Drained!

"No man is an island, entire of itself...
any man's death diminishes me,
because I am involved in mankind;
and therefore never send to know
for whom the bell tolls; it tolls for thee."
- John Donne

There I was
Making an emphatic point
In mid sentence;
Holding an audience
Engaged and spell-bound;
With the world as my oyster
Which I could prise open
With the sharp edge of my wit;
Where notable men and women
Had willingly and gladly
Lent me all their ears;
Just when two decades
Of rolling around
And plenty of reflection
Were deepening me enough
To say something
New, true and interesting;

My 'battery' of life
Suddenly failed on me
Leaving me frozen
And drained of energy,
Zapped of zest
Devoid of drive
Hollow of ideas
And no more imagination!
I was as good as dead
A zombie, no less
A shadow of my former self!
And to my great horror
I realised I had no battery 'charger'
That could breathe some life
Back into my tired and battered
Body, mind and soul.

In a moment of madness
Believing that I could propel
My own self forward
With no help from anyone,
I had dumped my charger
One sad day years ago
On my way up
The mountain of life.

And now it's far too late
To go in search of lost chargers
When I have little energy left
And I've become, in effect,
A prisoner within my body
Watching the last few seconds
Tick-tick-and tick away…
Not even having
Just enough energy
To bid a fond farewell
To the few I truly loved.

"I used to measure the Heavens,
now I measure the shadows of Earth.
The mind belonged to Heaven,
the body's shadow lies here."

- Johannes Kepler gesammelte Werke ((1570 - 1630), epitaph

Written on 26 Feb 2008

Invisible Prison

Labelled, collared and tattooed.
Claimed, owned and managed.
Paraded and displayed.
Even government certified.

What more can seal my fate,
trapped in a neat little
cage that society built,
that I walked into, without looking?

Like a modern-day prisoner
moving at the long end
of an electronic leash
I'm let loose – but only just.

Movements monitored,
Not just by 'central command'.
But by a whole society full of
gossipy and vicious 'jail guards'!

Amidst the piercing glare
of a million curious eyes
there I trudge along:
fallen, beaten and crushed.

It's a journey without end
and living without meaning:
Days filled with sighs,
giving way to nights of sorrow.

Only in my hours of slumber
does my spirit have respite:
when, night after night,
I dream of being free.

For plain, simple freedom
I shall gladly trade
all my worldly riches
and all illusions of grandeur.

Every prisoner knows
when her term ends.
But not I, caged by society,
and locked away by custom.

It's a life sentence
with no chance of parole.
The only way out
is to cross the Great Divide.

I hope I won’t have
to wait for much longer.

Already, it’s been too long.

14 February 2008

Where's the rest of me?

Where's the rest of me
that surely must exist
but search as I might
I still cannot discover
in my clouded mind
overburdened with
four decades of living?

There must be more
to life and living
than just getting by
clocking days, weeks
months and years?

The rest of me
lies beneath my dull life
I feel it's presence
Like a 'phantom limb'
but dig deep as I might
I still can't find
that elusive self.

Where's the rest of me
and why are you playing
such hide-and-seek
with me?

- The Other Half

Monsoonal Colombo;
14 June 2008